A day with Jacky

Just a quick one tonight. I spent today with Jacky, my mum. I picked her up at 10.30 and dropped her off at 3:30. That is the longest amount of time I've spent with her in over 5 years.

We have been estranged for years and only recently got back in contact really. I won't go into details but what I thought was going on wasn't. She was diagnosed with picks disease earlier this year. Picks disease is a rare form of dementia that affects younger people, but it is also the most aggressive and progressive kind.  Here's the wiki link.

Picks disease wiki link

The average life expectancy for someone suffering from picks is 2-10 years. So a pretty big range from onset. From her scans the doctors suggest she is now in the 'severe category.' She is only 57 years old. I'm 25. The likihood that I will loose her before I'm even in my thirties is quite high. This should not be happening. I try not to dwell on the past or look to the future regarding Jacky to just concentrate on the now.

She is living in a 'home?' not far from me and is awaiting a residential placement. I visit her when I can but she isn't the only patient there and I don't feel comfortable taking my children in there. She always asks about 'the kids' ( she can't remember details like how many,  if they are boys or girls or their names it seems) so today I decided to bite the bullet and spend some time with her, and the kids.
We didn't do much,  we walked around a garden centre, she had no idea what time of year it was as the  Christmas decorations on sale confused her. I had to pick her lunch for her as she couldn't concentrate long enough. She  couldn't remember the boys names but disguised it by saying 'the big one' or the 'giggly one'. She kept wandering off in her own world and muttered to herself a lot . She would repeat herself over and over and mix up her words. Her eyes are distant and her face doesn't look like hers anymore.
We collected leaves from the garden and stuck them to glass jars and put a T light inside. She made one too, hopefully she can use it as a memento and it may help her to remember today or at least seeing the boys. Doubtful, but I hope so. I took some photos of her and the boys (the first and only ones I have. Also one of her and me which is  a pretty big deal as the last photos I have of us together I can't be more than 4.) They are very bitter sweet though, I dont really like looking at them. It shouldn't be like this, they should not be the first photos of her and my sons.
I think I'll leave it there. I did enjoy today, but I'm also glad it's over with...that makes me sound awful doesn't it. I can't really find the words to describe how I feel, but these two pics from a pintrest search do a pretty good job.

Also, this song. Ed sheeran afire love told you half my head is filled with song lyrics!

Anyways, Craig Is now off work for the next 9 days on holiday so lots to look forward to having Daddy at home.

Until then goodnight :-) XxxxX