It's the evening before your first ever day at school my little kooky bumbling dude. I've known it was coming for months, hell I've even been counting down the days at times! Now it's here, I'm a whole cocktail of emotions. Looking at your shirt and tie hanging up and your black leather shoes without a scrap of batman or flashing lights that you think make you run faster every time your foot hits the ground... I can't picture you in them at all!
I'm gutted that our Tuesday and Thursday mummy and connor days are over. I will miss them terribly, how we would drop danny off and jump in every puddle on our way home, how you would walk in and demand a snack at 9am because you were insastably hungry by then. How we would sit and build trucks out of Lego and give them silly names or robots with horns and tails, how we would cuddle on the sofa and watch Tom and jerry or blaze or cars... Again 😂
I've been lucky enough to be able to spend every day home with you, since you were born, to share all of this with you, to get you ready for this day. Sure, you can write your name and count to whatever and that's great, but I'm so proud of you for so much more.
You love making people laugh, just be careful not to become the class clown 😂 you always try and don't let anything, like a silly speech issue, hold you back, never loose that. You're kind, and you care about your friends and others, again, never loose that. You're a bull in a China shop and you don't realise your own strength sometimes, but with that I also know that you have a pretty awesome right hook... Ive seen evidence of this with your brother 😂 save that for a last resort, but don't let anyone push you about or dull your shine. You have the biggest heart, which also means you're a little sensitive at times, ignore anything that is unkind or untrue. And you have a truly filthy and contagious laugh, I hope that your teacher and your friends, new and old, hear that cracker everyday. Oh and for goodness sake son, shut the toilet door before you whip your bum out please!!
Today you've binge watched dinotrux, left cars and Lego all over the floor ate too many snacks and stayed in your pj's all day. But that's okay, today you get to be a little silly boy, tomorrow you grow up into a silly little school boy and I'm excited for you and your new chapter 😍
Danny-
It's not your first day at school, we've been here before. But it still feels like a big thing, it makes me think back to how you were a year ago, how you've changed, how you've grown. Tomorrow you start year 1. We both know you're ready and you'll be okay. I don't know where you get your massive giant brains from but make no bones about it, you're super smart.... And you know it 😂. I hope this year you feel pushed and you continue to learn more and more. Your teacher has his work cut out keeping you busy that's for sure. But Danny, remember that being the best this and top that isn't as important as you think. Sure, it's great and me and Dad are so proud and in awe of you, but don't let your desire to always be the best bog you down. We won't think any less of you and you shouldn't either. Don't be so quick to give up with things you find difficult. I worry that because you have always been told you're the best and top of things you feel that's the precedent set for you and anything less is a fail. I want you to stop thinking like that now, by all means push yourself, try your best and have no doubt that I'll be right behind you cheering you on the whole way.
Recently you have been developing new interests and experimenting with your clothes and what not. I love seeing you develop into yourself. Your bug necklaces, gecko leather bracelets and suede chelsea boots are staples of your day to day look. You have started asking me if you look silly, Danny if you want to wear something wear it don't care what anyone else thinks. I spent so many of my school years trying and failing to fit in, so just don't bother, just be you. Your quirks and 'weird bits' are what makes you you.
Apparently in year one you start after school clubs, and you're really looking forward to starting gymnastics but worried that it's not for boys. Did you see those acrobats at the circus!? Did you not see their muscles!? (I certainly did 😉) think that answers your questions there too.
You're a stickler for the rules, you've never been in trouble and I've never had to worry about you at school, which is brilliant but loosen up a little in the way you disregard those who are a little naughty or whatever. They may actually be really cool, and having you as a friend could be a big deal to them. You can't solve everyone's problems, but you can be kind and not add to them.
You are awesome, take a breath when it gets difficult and try again. Remember, you're Danny, my champion of the world, and you're amazing.
So I find myself quietly contemplating today's events and the more I think about today the more mum guilt and crap I feel.
It's the Easter holidays, the kids are back at school in a few days and I was really looking forward to spending some time with the boys all together and feeling a bit daunted at the thought of pretty much being soley responsible for them having a fun few weeks. I had a plan, planned every day lots of play dates and meet ups. Perfect
Today we have been at home, and I don't know if it was the fact I've had crap nights sleep for the last two nights, literally being up every hour. Or that I've developed a really sore gammy eye today or that Evelyn has decided that I simply cannot leave her sight or spoon feed her under any circumstances ( she will only allow finger foods or something she can feed herself, she blows raspberries at me and screams if I try!) Or perhaps all of that together but ergh I've not handelled today.
I remember writing a post about having more duvet days and how bloody sparkly and wonderful it was and it makes me pull faces reading it now ha! We did manage to watch a film and play and make easter cakes but in-between all that instagram level parenting the boys have had around 453 arguments, some resulting in full physical fighting, I've shouted I've stomped and I've locked myself in the kitchen considering running away, just for a minute.
Being a third timer now, I know motherhood pretty much means I'll feel like this sometimes and the mum guilt I feel for being anything other than chilled and sparky is tremendous. I worry by telling Danny to stop constantly whinging will mean he becomes an emotionally closed adult or that telling Connor for the love of god to go and put some bloody pants on will make him rebel and be a streaker when he's older. I don't know. I find myself longing for some time away from the kids where I can just let be me. I fantasise about long uninterrupted baths, listening to music at night with my headphones in. ( I did this once laying in bed, Connor came in and tapped my arm asking for more drink and I nearly flew across the room....never again!)
I long for meals out at places that don't have a kids menu, trips to the cinema where the film isn't about some cartoon dog or lego creature. Peeing and showering alone!! Straightening my hair!! Popping to the shops without an army of children, car seats, bags, buggies and spare pants. I reminisce on my life before kids, I had a good job and a good wage I could pretty much do what I wanted with, I had my own little car, I got drunk with my friends whenever we fancied, we would sit in McDonald's chatting until closing time....closing time!!!
But of course, back then, all I longed for was the sleepless nights, a house full of little people who think you're brilliant, the handprints over everything, toys, a phone bursting with a million pictures of smiling, sleeping, busy children, a tivo box full of paw patrol and power rangers, a bath full of cups and toy boats.
I know we are all entitled to a few I want to run away and eat ice cream days, and this has definitely been one of mine. So I shan't let the mummy guilt fester. Tomorrow is a new day. We have a birthday party to go to and tomorrow afternoon I promised we can watch Charlie and the chocolate factory, now Danny and I have finished reading it, and eat easter eggs. And I will try not to be grumpy mummy and lock myself in the kitchen again!
Helloo!
So for this post I wanted to do something a little different. The initial reason I actually started this blog was to try and get back to myself if you like. To realise who I still was, aside from being mummy what my hopes dreams wants needs were. I hoped keeping a little blog would help me.
Of course this has failed epically as all I write and talk about are my kids! My entire life evolves around bat man t shirts and bedtime routines. Of course, right now, that's totally fine. My children are all really small and they need me to help and flap around them like a big crazy mother hen. Perhaps it's because I know for sure Evelyn is my last baby, and every time she grows out of something or reaches a new milestone I remind myself of this, the niggling thought of what will I do when Evelyn is older and in nursery /school has been playing on my mind a lot lately.
So I was wasting my evening away on pintrest and came across this, and thought I'll give it a go!
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Okay, so question one. This is a hard one to start with! A picture of me and 15 interesting facts!? 😂 okay...here goes
1. Okay, we will start tame. I met my partner in crime, Craig, at 14 via MSN messenger ha! We started chatting and well, as they say, the rest is history! I've never had my heart broken and I have no crazy exs! Sometimes I feel perhaps I've missed out on some big life experience but I met the love of my life (yak) at 14 and that's pretty damn rare and lucky!
2. Finding this hard already! 😂 I have three brothers and one sister.
3. My favourite colour is green
4. I have three tattoos, a sun moon and star on my shoulder to represent the quote "you are my sun, my moon and all my stars" I had this done years ago way before the kids but I like to think it represents them. Angel wings and the sign for guardian on my left wrist to represent my 5 miscarriages, I like to think of them as guardian angels for my children and that the tattoo is a nice way to remember that and keep close to my heart, without being too in your face. And finally, a stupid paw print on my ankle. I was 17 and thought I was ultra cool getting a tattoo done underage. My cat died so I of course thought getting a paw print tattoo was a great idea. Shame it's a dogs print....


That one reminds me not to make rash decisions! Ha! I'd like to get more tattoos some day! I also have my toungue and ears pierced and my tummy, after three kids, is just hanging on in there 😂!
5. I'm usually a pretty calm, chilled person but I totally went to pot when I was learning to drive and failed 6 tests. I passed eventually in my own little car, a Ford ka I named Zebaddy!
6. I studied law and psychology at college and hoped to become a criminal psychiatrist or a probation officer.
7. I love buying massive over the top, super cheap jewellery from China on eBay. If my daughter didn't yank everything so much is probably wear so much of it I would rattle when I walk! Although that's not really a secret as you can see that from the picture I've used!
8. I have a 'slight' obsession with saluting single magpies. I do it every single time, it drives myself and my kids mad ha!
9. I used to be pretty good at anything arty or painting in general. I did a few canvas, pretty sure they are up in the loft, I'm not sure. Here's a few murals I painted where I used to work.

10. One of my favorite drinks to drink at home is a spoon of coffee and a spoon of hot chocolate mixed together. It's almost like a mocha, Craig thinks I'm gross!
11. I have a wonky eye!?
12. I love watching old Adam Sandler movies, they make me feel all cosy! Big Daddy and water boy are my favourite!
13. I still, at the age of 26, find telling the time on an analogue clock or my left from right tricky.... I check my hands 90% of the time!
14. My favourite animal is a Tiger
15. My natural hair colour is this awful reddy brown colour that I hate, so dye it black!
Phew! That took so long! Really difficult to think of things about myself, that don't involve the kids!
Okay, next question. What is the meaning behind my blog name. "wonderfully terrified." Well, I actually wrote an entire post about that a while back. It's Here if you're interested, but long story short, it's just a lovely way to describe something that's both exciting and wonderful yet terrifying at the same time, and it's how I've described big events in my life so far.
Number 3, a picture of your animals. Okay I won't bore you with a million pictures but I've had a huge range of animals so far. A pony, Cats, dogs, hamsters, chinchillas, tropical fish, budgies. I currently have a lab boxer cross named Alfie and a tropical fish tank.
I love animals and would feel a bit weird having a home with no pets. I've always wanted a pet duck, like Joey from friends! I think a squirrel would be nice too! I'd love a parrot or a giant poodle. My imaginary friend as kid was a black poodle named Benji ha!
4. A habit I wish I didn't have...
Probably scoffing chocolate and biscuits in the evening once all the kids are asleep, or scab, spot and nose picking!
5. A picture of a place I've been to
Probably the furthest place I've been to is Longleat zoo (tragic I know) we took the boys last year and it was absolutely fantastic here's my blog post about it in more detail. Longleat post
6. Favourite super hero and why?
She ra! Princess of power! She's bad ass and rides a unicorn nothing else to say!
7. A picture of someone who has made the biggest impact on me
Probably this goon. I've grown from a young girl to a woman with him at my side. My life before him was pretty shit, and without him I definitely wouldn't be who I am today and of course I wouldn't be mummy to our three amazing children. I owe this guy my life really!
8. Short term goals for this month and why
We have the easter holidays for the next two weeks so I aim to do lots of fun stuff with the kids, meet up with friends, maybe some cooking and arty bits. To sort out the garden, empty the shed and turn it into a play house for the kids. Cut the grass.... Why? So we don't all go crazy and eat each other over easter break haha!
Save some money for the wedding that we talk about and nothing else haha!
9. Something you're proud of from the last few days
Connor playing really well with friends and noticing a huge improvement in his speech. The fact I'm still going after 4 nights of rubbish sleep, I haven't eaten the kids easter eggs.
10. Songs I listen to when I'm happy, sad,mad or hyped
Errrm, I don't really have go to songs for certain moods. I mean Ed Sheeran can pretty much work with any of those moods. I have such a massive eclectic music taste my play lists on Spotify are hundreds of songs long each, I believe a good chunk of my brain is taken up by song lyrics. I guess I have a playlist for each of those moods rather than just a few songs I can name!
11. A picture of me and my friends
These three ladies are my bestest friends. We have been friends forever and I'm so lucky I always have three brilliant women I can always turn to. I don't know what I would do without our group chat! We definitely need more pictures together though!
12. How I found out about blogger and why I started my own.
My friend Eleanor had her blog the salted tailand I really enjoyed reading it, so I thought hey I'll have a go too, plus what I mentioned at the beginning of this post! Just wanting to have a little something about and for me!
13. A letter to someone who has hurt me recently.
Well, honestly I don't really know who I could write to. Everyone in my life right now is pretty brilliant, positive and there because I want them to be. I learnt early on not to waste time and energy on those who drain my energy. Feel like I've cheated on this one!
14. A photo of myself and my family
This was us on Christmas day. I wanted us to all match in a really cringey way as it was Evelyn's first Christmas and our first Christmas as a complete little family!
15. Put your playlist on shuffle, first ten songs
Anastasia - not that kind
Limp bizkit - rollin
Razzle kicks - mumma do the hump
Stereophonics - maybe tomorrow
Ed Sheeran - gold rush
Paulo nutini - new shoes
Labyrinth - beneath you're beautiful
Artic monkeys - baby I'm yours
Rita ora - poison
16. Another picture of me
A much older one, back in the day when I had time to dye my hair nonsense colours!

17. Someone I would want to switch lives with for one day and why.
Craig? To get some peace!? Haha! I don't know, someone really famous and rich so I could go a bit wild and crazy, buy a huge house for me to live in the next day, nice big car, get my hair done, eat some proper posh food, bit of shopping for rhe kids, get myself some decent clothes... Miss the kids all day 😂 or maybe I'd just be anyone so I could book into a hotel and sleep...and eat. Or just a man, because you know....😂
18. Plans/ dreams and goals I have
This one is a tricky one. Honestly, as sad as it sounds, I don't know. I mean when Evelyn is older and in nursery /school as well as the boys I will definitely have to fill my time somehow. I really enjoy being around people, learning and helping them. Originally before I had kids I wanted to be a probation officer, that field of work still intrigues me but I wonder how I could work around being mum of three. I mean I know there's lots of variables here, Craig's work hours could change, I could find working around them really simple. I don't know. I have really toyed with being a foster carer too, but the reality of having three children of my own kind of squashes that idea but perhaps I could work with those vulnerable children in a different way. I love alternative therapies and would love to learn the ways of massage, reiki, aromatherapy etc just not sure where to start. I'd absolutely love to write children's stories too, my ideas just never take off...yet! Hell, I'd even like volunteering with the elderly or working in a shop somewhere I don't know really, I'm excited to see how life plays out for me! Dreams are obviously normal things like getting married, taking the kids on holidays, owning our own home.
19. Nicknames I have and why
I have none, other than mum mum mum mum mum mum mummy... Why? Because I've birthed three mini humans 😂
20. Someone I hope to marry/ be with one day?
Creepy question....but yeah better stick with Craig!
21. A picture that makes me happy
All three of my children's hand and foot prints at 6 months old on their playroom wall, surrounded by their drawings. Love that picture so much makes me feel all fuzzy!
22. What makes me different from everyone else?
Errrm my weird taste in tacky jewellery, mental footwear ( I generally have a pair of boots with feathers on), social akwardness 😂, baby wearing, I don't know really.... A lot I'm a bit of an odd ball!!
23. Something I crave a lot
Chocolate, coffee, cake, sleep, more time with Craig.... Lay ins, Chinese.....basically food and being lazy!!
24. Three books on my bookshelf
I really need to find more time to read (perhaps instead of doing massive huge long blog posts!?)
Harry potter cursed child, fire bringer (story about deers, sounds crap but it's so good it should be a film) and Charlie and the chocolate factory as I'm reading it to Danny!
25. What you would find in my bag
Wet wipes, nappies, used tissues, clean tissues, apples and crisp packets, probably a wet nappy, bits of toys, sticks and picked daisies....
26. What do I think about my friends
Again, stupid question. I've already spoken about my closest friends. But I have recently acquired a whole new bunch of mummy friends who I adore. Always ready for a costa or a lunch/ play date and I've really lucked out, such a lovely group of mums I'm so happy my sons will grow up with their children as friends.
27. Why am I doing this 30 question challenge
Mainly because i wanted to write a new post and wanted to try something I found on pintrest, that was a bit guided and different to how I normally write. I've found this all a bit tedious after about question 12 as I'm actually pretty boring ha!
28. A picture of me from last year and how I've changed
Well, I'm not preggo now! Everything's changed. I have my daughter, my long awaited, deeply wanted daughter is here safe and sound snoring next to me. I've closed that chapter in my life now, I have my children and I'm excited to see what's next for me.
29. In the past month what have I learnt?
Amber teething necklaces are awesome, a handful of spaghetti is more than enough for 3 adults 2 kids and a baby to eat, that pigs can get sunburnt!?
So today I did something I very rarely do. Something that I would feel was a wasted day or where nothing was accomplished.
You see, I'm one of these weirdos who always wakes up with a to do list. Certain things like getting everyone dressed and ready for the day are non negotiable and are true markers of my day. If everyone isn't up, fed and dressed house tidy and hoovered blah blah by 10am I will mentally write the entire day off as a failure and feel like I'm constantly playing catch up. I'm totally aware of how awful and military like that sounds! But we have always been the same as a family so it's kind of the norm for us. I told a few friends the other week that my sons make their own beds every morning and they looked at me like I was from another planet ha!
So anyway, we had a "duvet day" today and it was amazing! My sons' budgie died last night, and they were obviously pretty upset when I broke the news this morning. I asked them what they would like to do today to cheer themselves up and they really giggled and said they want to stay in their pj's all day and not wear pants.... This lasted maybe an hour or so before Connor was shouting MUUUMMMM, where's my clothes!? Danny also wanted to walk around with his Chelsea boots on because he likes the clip clip noise they make and makes him feel like a man teacher as he said 😂.
We moved the footstool away from the swivel chair and put a duvet on the floor pillows all the way round for Evelyn and we played all day. We coloured, I mean we seriously coloured. I had no idea how brilliantly Danny's colouring skills have become. I helped him colour the biggest seahorse at the front, but everything else was him!
Connor practiced holding his pen correctly, which is a big thing for him. He's a total man child and sitting colouring really isn't usually his choice thing to do. But look at his grimlock! We cut out bits of his transformer magazine and made new transformers, with two heads. He absolutely loved this, so did I. I don't get to really have a lot of solid one on one time with the boys very much right now so this was so lovely, just doing something silly together.
We played with plasticine, the top creations were my mermaid, Danny's pumpkin and Connor's super worm. He then smushed the entire lot, about 8 different colours worth all together to make a boat for his kinder egg people and I had to hold in a little scream!
We watched a movie, did puzzles and played buckaroo, snap and operation. Minimal arguments, minimal effort. Perfect!
So, today I've learnt to slow down a bit more. Colour that picture, make that transformer it's so worth it. I didn't get everyone and everything done by 10am, I didn't even brush my hair today (but that's pretty standard for me these days let's be honest!) and nothing happened, we had a lovely day and even little miss Evelyn learnt a new skill... She finally sits up unaided, if only for a little while before she becomes a human weeble and ends up with her little legs kicking in the air.
So yeah, that's my little post for tonight, now off to do some eBay shopping for easter for the kids. Nothing major, some new scissors, finger grips for pencils for Connor, some little troll pencil toppers, you know total tatt kids love, maybe I'll write a little post on what I end up with.
I've been staring at this blank page for some time now. I wonder if I'll even publish this post. I visited my Mum today. For those who don't know, my Mum suffers from picks disease, which in a nut she'll, is early onset dementia. My mum is 58 years old.
She won't see her grandchildren grow up, that privilege has been creully taken from her. I have to write my children's names, my brother's name (my autistic brother who she spent pretty much every moment with) and my name on photos I give to her to help her remember who we are. I'm not sure she can even read anymore though as she kept asking me who people were in photos today. She doesn't even try and hide the fact she didn't know anymore.
I get so angry thinking that I've lost the chance to grow up with, to become a mum and learn from my mum. She started getting ill around the time, or showing it at least, I was pregnant with Danny. I would get so angry with her for forgetting things and getting muddled up. I blamed her for a lot, which in hindsight (isn't that a wonderful thing...) I shouldn't have.
Her speech is terrible now. She can't string a sentence together, just have to try and piece together what she means by the few audible words she says. She took a good few seconds to recognise me today, just stared at me blankly until she saw I was holding Evelyn.
It's hard to get it to make sense in my head. I'll be telling myself, this lady isn't my Mum anymore, she's gone. But, every now and again there's a glimpse of my Mum and everything I've been telling myself gets flipped upside down. She wanted to show Evelyn to every member of staff, which was a little worrying but also lovely. As, if all was well she would have been so proud of all four of her grandsons, and she would have adored her grand daughter. Evelyn would have been held in the same light I was as the only girl after so many miscarriages. My mum had 6 before me. How I would have loved to have had her around to support me when I was going through the same hell before Evelyn arrived! Later, we were kind of sitting in silence, what can we really talk about? It's not like we can even talk weather or news because she just has no idea. She was staring at my shoes. My awful red leather, wooly pannel reiker boots that no one could really love other than myself, and my Mum. She said I'll have to get a pair of those! Then, quick as she arrived she's gone again and mumbling nonsense at Evelyn who is purely and innocently smiling and cooing away at her Nanny. I've taken photos today of them together, photos I won't share as the old Jacky would have been furious with me for posting photos when she hasn't got her make up done, her hair done, her eyebrows tattooed or her botox!
Evelyn, and the boys, will know that their Nanny loved them in her own way, just that "her heads a bit funny" and she gets so confused. She forgets their names and just keeps trying to hug them. They get a little scared, which is understandable. Standing in a room full of elderly people sitting all around you calling out to you with Elvis on in the background whilst visiting her is a pretty rubbish experience for me, nevermind the boys.
Sometimes I wonder if that's why I'm so post happy. I post pics of my life, kids all the time, this blog,their record books. All because I'd hate for them to get to my age, and like me, have nothing but a handful of baby pictures and memories of times with me. I can't say, growing up I had the best time with my Mum. We never really saw eye to eye and there are things I can't forget, but they are not important anymore. It just sucks that just as I'd started to understand some things and build a meaningful relationship with her, she began getting ill.
I hope my children are totally sick of me and look back and know I was always there and have so many memories of us they don't even know where to start. It's too late for Jacky and me, but I'll make sure my three are totally sick of me for sure!
I don't mean to be so gloomy, but it's a crap situation. Sometimes I just need to get it out to stop myself going crazy. I'm quite a chilled and strong person, but my Mum is a real chink in my armour, every visit feels like a real gut punch. I hate visiting her, I don't want to remember her the way she is now. I want to remember her as my nutty Mum, who had a filthy sense of humour, who would try to help whoever and wherever she could, even if at the time it wasn't the right thing to so. Who I used to laugh at for her Buddha obsession I've inherited. Who changed her hair monthly, had spray tans even though she always made me look like a milk bottle in comparison. She loved her red wine almost as much as her animals (she always had too many cats and dogs, but loved the bones of them) and lived in her awful flip flops.
I hope Jacky remembers our visit today and still holds onto some happy memories, as to imagine life without any...seems pretty dreadful.
Ahhh half term. Don't you just love it!? Half of me gets really excited about no school runs and the chance to have some fun with all the kids for a week, the other half thinks ahh fuck, how am I going to entertain these little monsters for an entire week!? Although, Craig is off work this week, so I've at least got some back up!
Saturday
Evelyn has been feeling a bit crap (possibly the sickness bug I had earlier in the week, as her poops have been up to her neck!? Her neck!! So she woke up at 3am, puked on me and the bed, then wakes me every 30 mins) Connor woke up at 5am. Boys sent back to bed until it was 'morning'. We played Mario until the theme tune was ringing in my head and Craig could bare it no longer. I took the boys and little Evelyn to a friends birthday party. Once we got home I attempted to teach Danny the whip nea nea dance he had heard at the party. But, on realising my dancing was dreadful. I left it up to the little girl and her heavily pregnant mum, who did a much better job haha!
The boys went out with their nanny for the afternoon. Craig and I took this rare, exciting opportunity to go crazy and buy Epsom salts for Danny's grow your own flipping crystal kit he got for Christmas (worst idea EVER!!! Seriously, I can't even understand the instructions?!) have some lunch... And fall asleep (Evelyn too!) on the sofa for an afternoon nap. Ah maze ing
Monday
We took full advantage of the cheap and cheerful kids cinema club and went to watch trolls. Wilko had a half price pick n mix offer on too so we get the super cool parents badges for eeking out a trip to the cinema, and being allowed to fill cups with sweets! Aka, two hours of peace whilst the boys sit and watch some highly coloured drivel and eat a load of highly coloured sweets win win!! 😂 Even Evelyn seemed to be hypnotised by the film, even if she missed out on the sweets, for now. I just sat in the corner at the back feeding her until she was milk drunk and snoring away, again peace!!

Tuesday
Ahh, valentines day. I know a lot of people say it's a load of rubbish, just to make money yada yada but I think it's lovely! It's a day of declaring love and showing love. Yeah yeah, we should show it every day and all that, but let's be honest, that's not how it normally happens is it? I think an excuse to just spoil each other a little and to tell/show each other how we feel amidst the chaos of day to day life with three children etc is well, lovely! So shh to all the valentines scrooges out there! Craig brought me G&C lit letters. I was so touched because when we went to collect Connor's birthday balloons a few weeks back in the warehouse they had a huge LOVE light up letters set that can be hired for weddings. We both really liked them, we could picture the boys standing by and climbing on them, Evelyn sitting in the O and us laughing at the end. We have recently been chatting about possibly beginning to maybe consider planning a wedding now we have definitely completed our family so these letters were a tribute to that really. A little sneak of what could be in the future.
We took the kids to Africa alive today. Evelyn was a little star she seemed to really enjoy watching the animals, and had a little giggle at the Drills. She enjoyed the train ride too! The boys should have been put in one of the cages with the animals. Honestly I was sick of my own voice, stop running, don't shout, it's not a competition, no I can't jump over the fence to get a flamingos feather for your collection, yes that is the monkey's willy. Pair of loons. I think they just love the freedom of no school and can let loose a bit, but oh my goodness I was pleased once 6:45 came and they were in bed!!
Wednesday
Today was a little more chilled. I took the kids to playstax, let them have a bit of a run around. It's lovely now they are at the age I don't have to chase them around, I can be one of those awful mums who sit and chat and drink coffee, hoping they don't get into mischief! On a side note, I 'm so lucky that I have so many lovely school mum friends, it's a God send during the holidays to meet up and let all the kids go crazy. The boys had a massive scrap, they have been bickering for days non stop so it was inevitable... So they were sent to bed with no afters, no toys in the bath and no bedtime story. Grrr. Let's hope they wake up in better moods!
Thursday
Today we decided to have a day at home, I had been dreading it because of their behavior last night, I just had visions of spending the day arguing and counting down to bedtime. But, they pleasantly surprised me, which with a teething baby was a massive bonus! We didn't get dressed till almost 11, which is such a novelty in this house! We finally opened and attempted the grow your own crystal kit Danny got for Christmas. Honestly, it says 10 +but neither Craig or I had any clue what so ever what it was on about. So we attempted one, the solution is on the window sill and we shall pop to bizarre bizarre at the weekend and replace the crazy solution with amazing crystals! 😂 Lesson learnt! We made transformer biscuits with Connor, played with the budgies, I feel like a bad guy but I had to clip slinky's wings again boo....he is just so useless at flying and literally flies smack into the windows walls etc, and last week he had to stay in the cage for a few days as he was twitching and swaying about after his last fall....ergh I can't deal with another your budgie has died conversation so hopefully he will forgive me! The boys did have a few arguments, but generally they have been lovely today so win win! Danny asked to borrow my phone to take some videos of himself and his rock collection, I love my little geek!! Evelyn is still squawking away and can almost sit up with her hands infront of her now, tripod sitting I think it's called? She's still a little wobbly but she is slowly but so quickly morphing from a beautiful sleepy newborn to a little cracker of a baby girl!
Friday
Today we packed up our picnic and went to " the gruffalo place " high lodge in Thetford. It's basically a load of outdoor play areas and musical instruments within the forest. With a few gruffalo statues and a trail thrown in too. It's great fun, we always enjoy our days there the boys can run off some energy and Evelyn was poking her head out of the wrap babbling away. I wrote a previous post about this place back on my birthday when we decided to hire bikes, we nearly died and I fell down a hill over the handle bars, great Stuff!
We dropped the boys off at their nanny's fir the night. They have only recently started sleeping over, only once or twice but they get so excited and really enjoy their time with Nanny! I get a bit of peace too, they are brilliant but they are full on! So far this evening I've had a lovely long bath (with Evelyn) applied for don't tell the bride... Haha can't see that happening but worry a shot!! I've eaten a load of duck flavoured crisps... That I don't have to share! And I'm now going to look for a film to watch, although let's face it, I'll probably be asleep by 9:30 as Evelyn is already snoring away must have been all that fresh air!!
Hope everyone has had a lovely half term, I know we did! I will be glad to see them back at school Monday however! I'm exhausted!!
It's funny to think this time four years ago I was sitting in a hospital bed, starting my induction for my youngest son Connor, after concerns about the level of fluid dropping around him, to help him come into the world.
I don't think you can really understand the phase 'time flies' until you become a parent. The fact that that tiny little 6lb bundle that came shooting into the world 4 years ago is now my great big chunky monster who tries sneaking into my bed every night, twiddling his toes into the backs of my knees.
Connor, you are my crazy little bundle of love. You are the sweetest most loving boy. It took you a little while to accept your sister, as she took your place as the baby. I'll never forget you saying to me you wished she would go back in my tummy. But equally, I'll never forget running into the room hearing her cry to see you standing over her moses basket stroking her hair and singing twinkle twinkle. I know you love her deeply now, and she is so lucky to have you and Danny as big brothers.
This year is very Blaze and the monster machine themed. We have just finished putting up your banners, balloons and wrapping your pressies. I'm going to be blowing up a 3 ft triceratops when Evelyn goes to bed too! I can not wait to see his face in the morning!
He isn't at nursery tomorrow so took sweets in for his friends and was beaming when he told us they all sang him happy birthday and gave him a birthday card and badge. Tomorrow he has asked to go to the bear factory to make a new bear, and have lunch out. Then home for a birthday buffet tea and a super special visit from the green power ranger! He has absolutely no idea. We wrote a letter to the ranger last week, little did he know we had already planned for him to come over to bring him a hand delivered card and present! I'm so excited to see his face! Can you imagine being four and a power ranger coming to your house on your birthday!?
I could go on about you forever Connor, just know that Daddy and I are so so proud of you. The hilarious, lovely, totally crazy, sweetheart you are. Who never gives up, even with the struggles you have sometimes. My nutty little boy who loves nothing more than running free, up to your knees in mud and mess. My boy with the most beautiful brown eyes.
