Coming to my senses (phew!!) 3/4/5

Okay, I'm going to block these next three together as I've found these quite hard to write about!

Sight

Here's a small selection of stuff I really love to look at. I appreciate art, but I don't really know too much about it. Gustav Klint has always been a favourite of mine though

 
I have this as a print by Edward Robert Hughs in my hallway. I just think it's really beautiful, I wonder why she is picking those flowers?

I don't really follow fashion or have a style. Most of my clothes are brought because of their price (sale) or because I was given a voucher as a gift. I love these kind of basic looking clothes with simple colours,  because I like loud jewlery. I do like stuff with a nice print on too.

Touch

Well I love cashmere and silk....errrr no. I'm more a cotton and fake leather that smells like an old cows arse (which it probably is!) kind of girl... I can't stand the feel of velvet or tinsel! It makes me cringe! Errm, I love how Connor still has to be touching me. My hand or hair or my bra strap to fall asleep.  I said I was finding this hard! Lesson learnt Grace!  Plan what to write before you agree to completing something!!


Smell

Okay, this is a little easier because I'm mad, and I do mean mad, for Yankee candles, insense, air freshners and ribbon wick candles. I have 15 large candles, 6 small ones and a lot of tarts...

I have a glade huge spray in the hallway (Where the dog sleeps)  It's a new one. It smells like "mums cooking " certainly not mine... Burnt food wouldn't smell great! I have boxes and boxes of insense, I'm always burning it...with a Buddha or two of course!!

My argument is, with a big dog two kids and Craig I need these things in my life!

My favourite perfumes are Thierry mulgar alien and John Paul gaultier le woman oh and Christina Aguilera by night. I adore the new jimmy choo illicit but at 75.00 a bottle I may have to just buy samples from eBay for now! Now off to walk my stinky dog and get a good few lung fulls of that after rain smell!!

Thank you for visiting!  XxxxX

Come to my senses Part 2 of 5 Taste

Good evening! Okay so tonight I shall continue my 'senses' posting with taste tonight!

On a  recent trip to Tesco for bread I found myself browsing the isles (bread in hand) and came across this yogurt. Honestly, I think I was drawn in by the sheer size of it. I really like those Danio yogurts but at about 80p each and this being 2.00 it was a winner! I chose raspberry flavour, mainly because it was the only flavour available (it was only a tiny tesco.) Plus, as an added bonus, as it was mainly pink in colour the boys decided it must be for girls and that they didn't want to share with me (whoop!)  It's always a bonus when I don't have to share with my children haha!!  I have on occasion scoffed a chocolate bar with my head in the cupboard so I didn't have to share! Outrageous! But yes, this yogurt is big, thick, amazing and left me wanting more.. (now now, don't be rude!)

The weirdest thing I've probably eaten was when I was working as a bank staff teaching assistant at a school. It was the end of term and they had an Australian theme week. Complete with wine cork hats didgeridoos and silly songs. They organised a BBQ for the whole school. On the menu? Kangaroo burgers and ostrich sausages!  Or the other way round I can't remember, either way the ostrich was nice the kangaroo tasted a bit like rabbit, which I'm not too keen on. The staff assured me they weren't mucking about and I had indeed eaten ostrich and kangaroo... Well they definitely weren't beef or pork!!

Also, whilst on the weird tastes subject.. (ha, oh dear!)  whilst at Centre Parcs, Craig and I visited the spa one evening. They had one steam room there that was both our favourite. It had salt lamps on the wall (I want one!) and a big salt stone in the middle with water coming out.

Relaxing music on, all steamy and calm. I waited until we were alone in there as what I was planning to do was pretty weird and gross (stay with me!) I wanted to see if it tasted salty.. The big salt rock I mean. So, all alone with just Craig in there to witness my ridiculousness, I licked it. I can confirm it is indeed salty.


Generally, my favourite things to eat are mainly really unhealthy (of course!). I love Chinese food I used to live opposite a Chinese restaurant, which was amazing... But left me looking like a Buddha. Their chicken and cashew nut stir fry with beansprouts and water chestnuts was BEAUTIFUL....  Now I'm hungry...

 Carrot cake has to be my favourite cake and my favourite veg (better put some healthy bits in) are swede, parsnips, broccoli (has to be crunchy) green beans and asparagus, as my nan used to cook them for me when I was little and would go to hers for lunch. Everything she cooked and baked was amazing.  (Awwh, damn I miss her) .
My favourite fruits are kiwis, dragon fruit (mainly because they look odd as hell)  and bananas. My dad used to grill bananas with brown sugar and sultanas, I used to love that.  Maybe I should try that out again...

As you can clearly tell I didn't inherit any foodiness from my Nanna May. Infact, I'm crap at food. The only cookbook I own is cooking for beginners (aka lobotomy patients)  and is so condescending I refuse to read it. I can do basic meals, a Lasagne (with jarred sauces and packet pasta) Is about my top level of 'cooking,' Although , according to Danny I can make a damn good cheese and pickle sandwich!  Oooh, and Mince pies!!  Me and the boys ate some today. Look how happy I am to eat my first Mince pie of the year!!

Although, now the boys like them I'll have to share! Please excuse my hair, we had just been pretending to be ninja turtles... As you do.

I hate HATE olives.. I believe my hate for them stems back to my childhood (as do all traumatic experiences normally) where I mistakenly ate an olive believing it was a grape. A nice fruity, crisp, sweet, juicy grape. Not a putrid, bitter, I need half a bottle of mouthwash to remove the flith from my tongue, bastard olive.
No I do not care what juice they are in or what they are stuffed with they are the devil's food and they smell like crap. No, no no. Both my parents love olives, so therefore they are weirdos.

Yes. Amen to that! 

 I'm not a fan of anything hot, a korma is my limit. Feta cheese makes me vom in my mouth. Which incidentally would then look like feta cheese itself, and probably taste better. Oh, and donuts. The kind with icing on top, yuck. A jam donut however, now that's a different story completely.
So yes, if you're serving a curry with olives and feta cheese on the side with donuts for desert, I'm afraid I have a headache and can't attend!

Thanks for visiting!  XxxxX 

Come to my senses! Part 1 of 5!

So this week (I know it's Tuesday) I want to try something I've seen on one of my 'blog prompt' lists. For the next 5 posts I'm going to base them on the five senses. So something about seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling and touching.

Tonight will be the sense of sound. I love the sound of wind in the trees, and love nothing more than going to bed whilst it's raining. It just makes my bed seem extra cosy. I can not stand the sound of people eating, crunching,  slurping, in some cases breathing (not because I don't like them but because their nose whistles or something!!) They all just make me so angry, I'm sure there's an actual word for this? I'm always moaning at Craig for sniffing or something silly, he finds it really funny to purposely annoy me! Oh and teeth grinding makes me want to be sick! I used to work with a child who would repeatedly grind his teeth and I'd have to hum to myself or actually pant through it to distract myself, I can't bare it!!


As I've said before music sticks to me. It grabs me and I drink in the lyrics. I love it when a song gets you right in the heart and speaks to you almost. I've recently rediscovered this song.  Nickleback - you're never going to be alone This song has done that.
 I used to listen to Nickleback all the time. I absolutely love his voice. How it's gravelly and manly, yet soft and beautiful at the same time. I was looking through our CDs in the car and stumbled across the Nickleback dark horse album. I forgot how much I loved this. I can't believe it's been abandoned in the glove box for this long. Outrageous! What a find!

 I popped it in and skipped along till I found the familiar chords and the lyrics "Time, is going by so much faster than I, and I'm starting to regret not spending it all with you". I instantly remembered it, like an old friend or an old smell that makes you warm and fuzzy inside.
I've listened to this song over and over. Craig too. Some of my favourite lyrics in the song are ;

You're never going to be alone, from this moment on

This makes me think of when I first met Craig, when each of my boys were conceived and born, and daydream about one day, when we can gather up enough pennies and I can finally become a Mrs. I would love for this to be our first dance song. Whitney Houston I will always love you just doesn't sit right with us!

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on. We're going to take the world on

This one's the throat grabber!  This makes me think of our struggle to have our third child, especially as we named our first ever miscarriage hope. But also the fight we both have still in us. We are indeed going to take the world on. Maybe I'll have that as a tattoo? But also how beautiful would it be to be dancing together as husband and wife, with our three children there watching us, and knowing we did take it on,  and won!

He also sings about being there always, and to make the most of every day. This is something I'm trying to remember every day myself. To make the most of every single one and to go to bed thinking today I've done my best and if not, I'll do better tomorrow.

Another one of my favourites on this album is I'd come for you. Another 'love ' song, I don't really go for the normal hearts and flowers stuff... Minus ed Sheeran thinking out loud, that is beautiful. Craig brought me the lyrics for our bedroom wall for Christmas last year!

It's a little different though, it's more about a man who desperatly loves his woman and would do anything for her, if she told him to. Few of my favourite parts:

My souls inside out

Is how he describes feeling being without her, which is a pretty accurate description of how I think I'd feel without Craig. Plus it really shows how he feels about her without too much normal mush.


This, this is the biggie..

I finally know just what it means to let someone in, to see the side of me that no one does or ever will, if you're ever lost and find yourself all alone I'd search forever just to bring you home here and now, this I vow

Beautiful, just beautiful.

Anyways, I'm off to download the entirety of Nickleback's albums on Spotify!!

Thank you for visiting!  XxxxX

We're going on a poster hunt!

I'm back! And three shades of green today!! Thought I'd get in the spirit with Halloween on its way!

This week has been a bit chocka with Craig being off we have been cramming loads in. Plus, in the evenings (when I usually sit on my phone for a while)  without the worry of Craig having to get up at silly o clock it's been lovely to just sit and watch TV and enjoy a few glasses of wine together. Hic!
Yesterday we went to Banham zoo. We went with Craig's parents. It was a really chilly but awesome day at the zoo. Connor ran towards one of those face in the hole things and rather dramatically slipped, legs in the air the lot,  splat into the middle of a muddy puddle!  We had only been there 10 minutes! Instead of rushing to help my poor baby I stood in fits of giggles unable to breathe!  Lucky for Connor I always carry spare clothes!! He did get his own back on me later on, by deciding half way round the gated, secure penguin enclosure he desperatly needed a wee. I'm running like a mad woman as the nearest loos were MILES away!  Okay, not quite but not close!! He didn't make it and peed down my coat... Not good. Again,  lucky I carry spare clothes and didn't mind walking about smelling like pee....
All cleaned up after the mud incident we all went to watch the show. We had owls and lorakeets fly over our heads, we watched a bird named Silvia kill a rubber snake by violently banging it against rocks (which was pretty hilarious actually)  and an adorable serval jump stupidly high in the air for the man who had hand reared her from a cub. She licked him all over his head when she saw him, it was so lovely. Imagine having a pet serval! I do miss having a cat....but Alfie would definitely eat it and with two budgies in the house too...wouldn't end well.

The boys thoughally enjoyed themselves and I got to see the Tiger (my most favourite animal ever) so I was very pleased.
After leaving the zoo there's a small little... well, junk shop just  outside which I'm guessing all the proceeds go to the zoo. This really caught my eye.

The picture is naff, but it's a mother and child on a bench with a pot of flowers next to her. The mother is far more glamorous than me, of course. But, I love odd bargains and at 2.00 I needed it! A little dust and a polish and they are looking pretty good!


The boys were up early today (the whole clock change thing sucks!) and we were just chatting about stuff when Danny asked if they could have new posters in their room. They share a room through choice as they would spend the whole time calling to each other and getting in each others beds when they had their own. Plus it's quite nice to sit between their beds and read their bedtime story. I'm happy for them to share, It just leaves a rather empty third room... We use our conservatory as their play room so it's pretty useless. Sure we will fill it one way or another!
Anyways, we went to a few shops around here but it seems Avengers (iron man, hulk, captain America and Thor) are pretty damn popular.  It's actually a huge thing for Danny to actually like a character as he hasn't really done so before. He always just been into dinosaurs (big time)  and animals, he would rather of had a pair of binoculars than any character thing. He has never really got excited about a character before. He liked frozen but he wouldn't ever ask for a toy or top or anything cus he says its for girls. Which we told him was silly but nope. He went through a brief ninja turtles and spiderman phase, but not for long. Connor is the total opposite , he loves bob the builder, fireman sam, cars, paw Patrol, hulk, masha and the bear... He's my easy boy to buy for! Kids stuff is soo character orientated. He is hulk crazy and now Danny has discovered iron man. He thinks he's amazing (and he is a bit geeky...like Danny!) Perfect! I'm really excited about buying him an iron man figure for his birthday or Christmas now. I hope he loves it as much as Connor loves his hulk...seriously that thing sleeps, eats and poops with him (with regular surface washes between of course ha!)

It was honestly like a comedy sketch or something. After giving up on local shops we decided on going all the way to the Range because I knew they sold posters.... and also wanted to sneak a peak at the Christmas bits!!
No luck with the posters.. Sold out of all three marvel posters (I did contemplate taking the display ones out of the case but thought better of it!) We did however come back with a small family of penguins (we need one more chick apparently)  that Danny had fallen in love with.

And this count down to Christmas... Thing. Again, this was Danny's request because he totally loved the fact that the numbers move and well the whole idea of it so it was a must. He even offered to use his pennies to pay!

After no luck in a further 4 shops we were on our way to try our luck at the Disney shop but chanced a small WHSmiths and boom! We got them! Finally! Two happy boys, two knackered parents. A bit like this mini sign I brought the other day!!

Awwh, you can almost see the bit on their wall where mine or Craig's head has rested against many a time...way too many a time! Ooh, they have both done brilliantly at staying in their own beds (it's so weird not having Connor in with us anymore I'm still not used to it!)  and are both only a few stickers away from getting their choice of new duvet sets.... I wonder what they will pick ha!

Totally unrelated point, but on the way to the zoo yesterday I spotted that someone had sprayed "you are beautiful =) " on a post. Now I'm not saying anything about graffiti or whatever, but this really did make me smile, and I thought it was pretty sweet!

I tried to take a video and then take a still from that, this is the best I could do!


I'll leave it here for now, it is zombie night after all!!

Thank you for visiting!  XxxxX

Connor, the boy rarely sleeps. (And his knackered Mum!)

Hello!!  I didn't post yesterday because I was so knackered I fell asleep on the sofa. I'm having a serious battle of wills with Connor.
Connor is a stubborn, rambunctious little monster. He has always been a terrible sleeper. He is three in January and I think, no I know,  he has slept through the night a grand total of 4 times. That's like once every 26 and a half weeks... Roughly.
As a newborn he would wake every single damn hour for a feed and my poor boobs would be rock solid, he wouldn't always take a full feed every time just fancied waking me up I spose! As a baby he would wake at least 3 times every night. I've spent many an hour pacing up and down with him humming twinkle twinkle little star or the mockingbird song.. But with my own take on the lyrics

"Hush little Connor don't you cry
You won't sleep no matter what I try
Why oh why don't you sleep Connor James
You are driving your mummy insane??!"

Ha! The last year or so he has been pretty good. Him and Danny go to bed between 6:30 and 7. Danny won't wake until about 6am (7am is classed as a huge massive lay in in this house, and very very rarely happens!) Connor would wake up about 3/4 am want a drink and sneak into our bed. I didn't mind this too much because we would all be up in a few hours anyways and it's nice for Craig to have a little cuddle with him before he gets up for work (he starts at 6.30).
Recently however, he has been coming in earlier and earlier, to the point when he was trying to get in at about 11 when me and Craig were going to bed. Danny was also sneaking in too. Na uh dudes. We have a king size bed but with two kids in their you will never have enough room for you all, and constant blows to the kidneys and tiny toes in your spine does not equal a good night's sleep!
With Craig being off work for 9 days I saw this as my opportunity to gain back some  control... and bedspace!! I asked the boys to both choose a new duvet set. Danny chose an Olaf one,  Connor a hulk. We cut the picture out of the Argos book and made a sticker chart. The idea being if they stay out of Mummy's bed and sleep in their own beds they gain a sticker. 10 stickers and they get their chosen duvet set.  I chose 10 because it wasn't too many, but enough to break the habits and start a new one!
Night one, Danny slept straight through gets a sticker.  Connor woke up and snuck (commando style between me and Craig) into our bed. By the time I'd woken up he had been in there 3 hours so no sticker for sneaky Connor!
Second night I psyched myself up for a battle and shut our door. So that when he tried to get into our room he would wake me up. Wow, that child is stubborn. In all the supernanny and three day nanny episodes i've ever watched the kid lasts about an hour, tops. Two and a half hours later he finally falls asleep in his own bed, me holding his hand, asleep sitting up. I woke up and snuck back into bed for another hour and a half before Danny woke me up (waaaah) Luckily Craig took over and they went and made breakfast together which was lovely, but Craig's apparent ability to sleep through it all (yeah right!) would be lovelier! Connor did get his first sticker because although he had been a buggar, he hadn't got in our bed at any point and I wanted to motivate him a bit.

Last night wasn't a battle, it was a war!! He woke up at 12:10 with his war face on. He was sick of my crap and wanted to reclaim his spot inbetween his loyal slave providers and he was willing to fight for it. Thing is, I was of the same mindset, and I have 23 years of experience of being a stubborn git on him!  After an hour and a half of taking him back to bed, holding his hand, cuddling him back to sleep. I would then go back to my own bed, he then deployed a torture method to try and break my resolve. He would let me lull myself into a false sense of victory, leave me to drift off for about 15-20 mins into that nice, warm comfy sleep and then bang he was there smiling...  SMILING!!!!  at me. After an hour and a half I had become weak and was about to surrender. I sent in the calvary.
Connor defeated Daddy in 45 minutes. He had pulled out the emotional blackmail and targeted his weaknesses. A few little snuggles and a well placed sob and he was victorious.
However!  All was not lost, as during Daddy's brave attempt, I had managed to regain my composure and get a little down time. I was back, and ready to face another battle. By loosing his almost conquered Daddy and wasting all his efforts on him. He knew he had to pull something big with me. He went into a full rage. Threw all his teddies on the floor and screamed and screamed. I was secretly smiling, thinking that's right, use up all your energy! At that point he was lost in his anger, I just sat quietly in his room. Ignoring his behaviour and desperately trying to decide what to do next! I wasn't going to hold his hand or cuddle him or get in his bed because as soon as I moved he would wake up. He is apparently superhuman and has a continual run of constant energy (the previous night he had been up for hours, we had been at the zoo running about all day and he hadn't napped at any point, yet here he is 3 and a half hours in and still fighting!?)
Then he stopped screaming, sat down and bowed his little head. He cried, but a real sad cry. My mummy instinct kicked in and I hugged him, so tightly. I kissed his little head and told him Mummy and Daddy love him very much, but he needs to sleep in his own little bed now. He nodded his little head and I laid him down and tucked him in. He said night night mummy (it's 4am. It's morning now!!)  I sat away from his bed but so he could still see me until I could hear his breathing turn to that deep calm breathing he does when he's asleep, that breathing I've laid and watched him doing countless times. I kissed his cheek and left. He woke me up a few hours later (smiling again!!)  and we went downstairs to make breakfast (and a very strong coffee!)
He was very pleased with his hulk sticker again this morning and said he will stay in his bed tonight to get another. I still gave him a sticker because this is a massive change to him, I'm not willing to lock hin in his room or make myself unavailable to him by locking my room or putting up  a stair gate or anything like that because a.I can't deal with that, he's my baby! And B. I think that would frighten him and he would create bad associations with his room and bed. Maybe I'm a sap,but him his Mum and he's my boy. Although he may be waking me up and mucking about he has not got into our bed.
 I'm hoping last night was a breakthrough and I'm in for an easier ride tonight!  I hope. The bags under my eyes have turned to dark circles and I'm milk bottle pale. He went to sleep with no issues so fingers and toes crossed!
Even though he's a total little toad he's still my cheeky, bumbly, gorgeous little scrump monster.. Plus I can enjoy getting my own back on him in his teenage years!

                            

 

                  

This really reminded me of Connor!! 

I shall keep you posted!
Thanks for visiting!
XxxxX

A long babble about today, and a little of the C word!!

Today has been lovely for lots of reasons. Craig was off work so waking up with him still here is a huge novelty. The boys jumped in our bed too and we all watched TV and chatted about what we will do today. Danny only goes to nursery two and a half days a week, and Connor won't start till April next year so no one had any plans. 

We went to Craigs favourite place... GAME ergh... Seriously they should have a wife and girlfriends sofa in there.. I've never really got into gaming, minus spyro gateway to glimmer on the ps1 I was amazing at that!  Anyways, Craig really is and has always been into gaming and I've spent many a bored trip to GAME waiting for him and wondering what that smell is. It always smells funky in there. I fear Craig's passion may have rubbed off on the boys....

We decided to buy some wii games for the boys. Marvel something or other as they are both hulk crazy. Connor has a toy hulk with no off button (wtf!?) you move or shake it and he either roars, shouts hulk smash, you're no match for the hulk or no one shakes the hulk raaahh
.. He takes everywhere with him, even to bed. It's great when he turns over at 2am.. and my mummy ears (Instant wake up) hears "you're no match for the hulk!" coming from my son's room. You've just woken me up at 2am you green bastard, try me.
A toy story game and Mater's tall tales (the tow truck from cars) which Connor loves and has the little wrestling (yes car  wrestlers....  Here's the link )  figures which are his prized possessions.

Craig got a game too so all three boys happy. We spent a lovely afternoon in two teams (me and Danny vs Craig and Connor trying them out and me and Craig grumbling about having to sit on the floor and how we shouldn't have sold the old sofa!)

  

 I got this 2016 diary and calendar which was a bargain and is really pretty! I'm thinking I can use it to plan posts about random things rather than treat this as an online journal...Maybe I'm not sure which way I'll take this yet. 

I had a few bits to take back to the garden centre too, some Christmas lights I'd found in the clearance section and these two hideously annoying Christmas spinners that sang jingle bells at about 1,000 decibels in the most monotone way I've ever heard.  I didn't think jingle bells could be sung in a grumpy way but they cracked it!!  I thought they were cute when I brought them for the boys but Connor broke his in about 2 minutes and Danny would not stop pressing it so Mummy was mean and squirreled them away!  I got a credit note and me, I can't wait. Money, vouchers,  credit notes they burn a hole in my pocket I can't control myself. I went back and told Craig I'd got the note rather than a refund and that Christmas bits were out and the kids inside us both did a little skip and we had to go spend it!
Christmas was never a big deal when I was growing up. We didn't have any big traditions or anything that really stands out. Craig's parents are Christmas crazy (his Mum has literally just tagged me in a Facebook post !)

I remember when I first met Craig back in November 2004 I went over to his one Sunday in the December and it was like a grotto had exploded. They even had decorations in the toilet!! A santa loo cover!! Christmas crackers the pair of them.
Up until I had my boys I was... A total scrooge.  The whole thing was a total pain for me. But now,  thankfully I've well and truly been infected by the Christmas bug and look forward to it and making it magical for the boys every year. Last year I went crazy for  elf on the shelf, but instead of the super creepy weird elf that 'watches the kids ' creepy creepy creepy we have Eddie the elf a friendly little knitted elf who comes to visit us in December to 'bring Christmas magic and be part of a family at Christmas '. Last year he was riding on dinosaurs, had a snowball (mini marshmallows)  fight with spiderman and buzz lightyear in the playroom and even was caught fishing in the fish tanks with a little rod made from pencil and string! Cheeky Eddie!! The boys loved him and this year they will be 4 and almost 3 so will enjoy it even more! I'm considering making or buying another elf so they can get upto mischief together ( and also so when the boys are all grown up and have children of their own they can carry this on with their childhood elves!! Awwh :-D) This is about my level of sewing though. A 'stick man' I made for Danny a year or so ago because it's his favourite book.

His leg is folded over but I'm warm and comfy under the duvet and not moving now!!

Eeeekkk it's coming on on TV this Christmas too!! "a stick!  cried the dog and excellent stick! The right kind of stick for my favourite trick! I'll fetch it and drop it and fetch it and then, I'll drop it and fetch it and drop it again!!" Haha! I love reading that part in my silly dog voice!!

We were looking at getting a new Christmas tree as ours isnt very grand. It's tall and slim....and white. I love it though because all the decorations have a meaning to them and they are all blue and silver. I think blue and silver would look odd on a green tree so I didn't fancy buying a new tree plus all new decorations so instead we brought some really bright white lights for it as the ones we usually  use are a bit old and dull. It was a toss up between multi coloured ones and white but I won with my white ones. It looks so much more magical and icey and frosty. Can't wait to put it up and see how it looks this year!!
We came home, and later had a parcel delivered. A few Christmas and birthday presents!

 This is a masha and the bear tree house playset for Connor that he will LOVE. It's the Bear's house complete with his fridge, table chair etc. Masha and the bear is a quirky little Russian cartoon about a little girl (who is an absolute hooligan basically the girl version of Connor)  and her friend the bear. It's very slapstick which he loves (like the old Tom and Jerry cartoons which can have his rolling over laughing) so when the toy shop,the entertainer,  started stocking masha toys this was a must have!  I'm hoping to get him the 50cm plush bear for his birthday in January too :-D.  Craig and I clearly have great timing with a child's birthday either side of Christmas!
Connor is so much easier to buy for. He loves anything with wheels, he can play really imaginative games (we once played with his toy castle that was under attack from the dragon, luckily the ninja turtles arrived shortly followed by fireman sam! Buzz lightyear then locked the dragon away with the paw Patrol... Hope they didn't become dragon food!). He generally loves and cherishes his toys and is usually seen with a backpack full of his current favourites. He is also an avid lullo or gruffalo fan. This is an extra connorey picture!

Sorry for the ridiculous scribble on his face but photos of them in masks and facepaints and the backs of their head I'm okay with sharing on here just not full face ones, call me paranoid but I can't even bring myself to use them as my Facebook profile or cover photo!


The dinosaur adventurer kit is for Danny. It has a hat,  stickers, binoculars and a few other bits in it. This is right up his street! Danny is a much harder child to buy for. He doesn't really go for any character stuff he's not a lover of cars or anything obvious. His prized possessions are his camera, binoculars with a light on, and his collection of Schleich dinosaurs and animals. Which I love too because I used to collect similar things as a kid, stuff like puppy in my pockets!   Some of his favourite dinosaurs have found their way onto my display unit in the living room... Kinda like it though!  For his birthday in a few weeks I'm putting together an explorers kit with stuff like a bird whistle, compass, stop watch,  torch, bug pots, notepad and pen, night vision goggles and a book of wildlife. Can't wait to see his face!  I'm going to wrap each individual Item!! We are also planning a trip to the natural history museum to meet some dinosaurs!!  Eek!!
Danny will be so happy because he asked for scissors and glue today to cut up the argos book with some things he would like for his birthday / Christmas.  When he gave it to me I was fully expecting to see a load of stuff. But there was the wild pets spider he had asked for, robo turtles, a dinosaur and a red car. When I asked him about the car he said it was for Connor!  Then later on Connor gave Danny his last rolo....literally! Under all the headlocks and fist fights they love each other really!!

Now I have a date with the sofa and my weekly Daryl Dixon fix....Oh Craig will be there too!!

Thanks for visiting!
XxxxX

A day with Jacky

Just a quick one tonight. I spent today with Jacky, my mum. I picked her up at 10.30 and dropped her off at 3:30. That is the longest amount of time I've spent with her in over 5 years.

We have been estranged for years and only recently got back in contact really. I won't go into details but what I thought was going on wasn't. She was diagnosed with picks disease earlier this year. Picks disease is a rare form of dementia that affects younger people, but it is also the most aggressive and progressive kind.  Here's the wiki link.

Picks disease wiki link

The average life expectancy for someone suffering from picks is 2-10 years. So a pretty big range from onset. From her scans the doctors suggest she is now in the 'severe category.' She is only 57 years old. I'm 25. The likihood that I will loose her before I'm even in my thirties is quite high. This should not be happening. I try not to dwell on the past or look to the future regarding Jacky to just concentrate on the now.

She is living in a 'home?' not far from me and is awaiting a residential placement. I visit her when I can but she isn't the only patient there and I don't feel comfortable taking my children in there. She always asks about 'the kids' ( she can't remember details like how many,  if they are boys or girls or their names it seems) so today I decided to bite the bullet and spend some time with her, and the kids.
We didn't do much,  we walked around a garden centre, she had no idea what time of year it was as the  Christmas decorations on sale confused her. I had to pick her lunch for her as she couldn't concentrate long enough. She  couldn't remember the boys names but disguised it by saying 'the big one' or the 'giggly one'. She kept wandering off in her own world and muttered to herself a lot . She would repeat herself over and over and mix up her words. Her eyes are distant and her face doesn't look like hers anymore.
We collected leaves from the garden and stuck them to glass jars and put a T light inside. She made one too, hopefully she can use it as a memento and it may help her to remember today or at least seeing the boys. Doubtful, but I hope so. I took some photos of her and the boys (the first and only ones I have. Also one of her and me which is  a pretty big deal as the last photos I have of us together I can't be more than 4.) They are very bitter sweet though, I dont really like looking at them. It shouldn't be like this, they should not be the first photos of her and my sons.
I think I'll leave it there. I did enjoy today, but I'm also glad it's over with...that makes me sound awful doesn't it. I can't really find the words to describe how I feel, but these two pics from a pintrest search do a pretty good job.

Also, this song. Ed sheeran afire love told you half my head is filled with song lyrics!

Anyways, Craig Is now off work for the next 9 days on holiday so lots to look forward to having Daddy at home.

Until then goodnight :-) XxxxX

Another lesson learnt

I just want to start this evening by saying thank you so so much to everyone who has read, shared and commented about what I've been writing!  I'm enjoying it so so much. I love having something to think about again. I have wanted to do something like this for ages but just thought I'd never have anything remotely interesting to write about! It humbles me that so many people have even clicked on what I've wrote, let alone read it! It's doing wonders for my self confidence and I really do feel like I'm finding myself again a little more after each post. My head is buzzing with little ideas, I may even start writing little stories or poems or something.  Maybe. Baby steps Grace!

Now, I read a lot of parenting blogs. I particularly love  Scary Mommy I love how blunt and easily relatable this one is, and The Bubblelush  is a written by a lady who has her own very young children and is also a foster mum. I came across her when I was looking into becoming a foster carer.  She is an absolute angel. One day I'd love to be like her.
Anyways, I came across this post from Fatherly  http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/8248234
And it is pure genius, 100%.  When I first began to read it..treat your child like an adult my initial thought was... Errrr you serious!? But it works! It so works. I really needed some help with Danny. And this was it!
A little background..  Danny is 4 next month (oh my god!?) and he is super freaky. Honestly, he is scarily intelligent. I'm not just saying this because I'm his Mum.
You can have full blown conversations with him, and have done for ages. He can recognise words and numbers, write his own name as well as Mummy, Daddy Connor and Jade (his key workers name). At his last parents evening at nursery she even said to me she is having to get work for him to do from the reception class because he can do everything they have in the nursery!?
 He was walking by 10 months old. I can't remember him ever not talking, he was fully potty trained day and night by 2 years old.  He can work a self timer on a camera. He dresses himself, gets himself ready every morning. His understanding of the world is ridiculous for his age and he hates anything that should be at his level programmes etc because he says they are boring! He loves documentaries about animals and dinosaurs and when I let him choose a dinosaur book to buy (he LOVES Dinosaurs) He was insistent on an encyclopaedia and loves looking at all the pictures and when I read it (I can barely pronounce half of it) to him. Stuff we have brought for him for his birthday / Christmas is meant for at least double his age. He's basically a 7 year old (okay, maybe not quite but just to try and explain him) in a 3 year olds body.
However, this does have a downside. He gets bored so quickly. When he's bored he reverts to what I call the Danny monster. He screams, shouts, pings about,  he plays with one thing and quickly gets bored, he winds up Connor something rotton and that leads to fights. He tells Connor to do naughty things and starts getting really.....arseholey!! He's a lovely boy don't get me wrong,  he's polite and very very sensitive but he needs and craves constant attention.
Back to the article.  As I was reading this Danny was popping into my mind over. We have a few behavioural approaches. He has a sticker chart for eating his dinner (he's a sod for not eating his dinner, it's too hot,  this bit looks funny blah blah.) He would rather talk about complete nonsense or something like "mummy why is the dogs poo orangey and mine is brown" at the dinner table.. Ergh. It's quite exhausting answering 1000,000 questions a day!
 The chart only works because he wants to complete the picture. It's like a sticker jigsaw chart. If he is particularly awful he gets sat out on the step which he hates and just gets angry about...and will try to have a debate with me about how grossly unjustified it is. Seriously, he's exasperating!

 At nursery they have a "black cloud" which is basically a traffic light system, but my word he's terrified of it. He is the best behaved little angel at nursery because I think he would be totally hysterical and refuse to ever go back if he ever got put on it. One of his friends got put on it last week for something totally unrelated from him and he was distraught about it! Burst into tears as if she had been put in the chokey or something!? (They don't have one of those at his nursery!) I think it's more the public embarrassment of being naughty than anything else.
Danny and I can clash, which leads to power struggles, which are silly really and just remind me of the I'm big you're small argument in Matilda (must have Matilda on the brain today!?)  I just felt that the step at home was just frustrating him more. After reading the article that day I thought back on the entire day and really tried to think how I acted with the boys, Danny in particular. I wouldn't let him help me with chores, told him to be quiet and to wait a minute loads and loads of times even said oh why can't you just go and play with something for a minute and leave me in peace (argh bad Mummy).  I cut his food up, picked his clothes and brushed his teeth. I pretty much chose everything for him. Wow, how annoying! How did I not realise what a total control freak I was being! Poor boy no wonder he was frustrated and playing up. He wanted my attention and I was snipping at him for no real reason. I felt a bit shit.
 Today we were at home all day, so I saw it as my chance to try this treat him like an adult stuff out. He chose his outfit (although I did have to persuade him to get dressed at all because he said well why do I have to, I got dressed yesterday!? )  I let him help change and make the beds, yes it took longer and no it wasn't as neat as I do it but wow he was so excited and pleased with himself!  He helped me wash up, Connor did too and water ended up everywhere but it was funny! I gave him the chance to choose what we all did this afternoon,  a choice of something arty, a film or all playing buckaroo. He picked arty so I got out the clay and I made a leaf with Connor but let Danny do his own thing. He asked me to help him make a leaf too. We all made a pumpkin tea light holder and with the remaining clay he made a 'pumpkin face' it was hard not intervening but I'm glad I didn't because he did it and it was really good!

 He helped me fold the washing and even  though I had to re do the lot he loved sorting the socks. He even helped make me and Craig coffee! I had to hold back and not take over when he wasnt getting the right amount of coffee or sugar on a teaspoon. Seriously, I'm so controlling apparently!!  He was so amazed when I said he can lift the kettle. Turns out he makes a pretty good cup of coffee!
Now I'm not going to just let him do whatever he wants or let him try out all kinds of dangerous activities. I'm his Mum not his buddy and I'm raising gentlemen not hoodlums!  It could of been a fluke but by giving him some of the control he reacted by giving me the respect and attention he should. Respect is a two way street after all. I wing this parenting malarkey every day and I'm always willing to learn and take advice. All I can do is my best for them :) From this I've learnt that actually he is a fully fledged little person with his own thoughts, wants and feelings. That my little Danny diddles doesn't need me to do absolutely everything for him anymore. That I need to let go of him a little, loosen the apron strings, that he isn't a baby anymore. That my little boy is much more capable than I allow myself to believe
That my little boy..... Is growing up.

XxxxX 

My top 10

Soo yesterday's post was a little serious in nature. Bit heavy. I'm so pleased I did post it however, the amount of support and love I've been shown has been overwhelming. I even had a message from a lady sharing her story with me after reading it so thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart everyone. Thank you.

Today I thought I'd post something a little more light hearted in nature. I try to believe in the power of positivity. Life is one long road of ups and downs and one day I'll be back on top. But you can't just sit back and just expect good stuff to happen to you without giving anything out. Positive vibes have power apparently so lets see!

  

If Roald Dahl said it, it must be true!!

So heres my top ten things that make me HAPPY

1. Obviously of course, my numero uno ,are my two beautiful, amazing, totally bonkers little boys Danny and Connor. Even their names make me smile, I love these two little little balls of craziness more than words could even come close to describing. They are my sun moon and stars and everything in between. I am so so blessed to be their Mummy.

I have hundreds of much nicer photos of my boys but I'm a bit picky about where I post them. Having them open for anyone at all to see freaks me out a little but I think these pics show what cheeky monkeys...or ninja turtles they are! 

2. Next would have to be my Mr. My fianee (how cringey does that sound!! Athough partner or boyfriend are just as bad ha!) I met this guy at the tender age of 14 after a friend of mine gave me his MSN (rememer that!) address! We spoke for months and eventually met to go to watch the Grudge at the cinema. That film totally freaks me out, but I was more terrified about touching his hand! (Wonderfully terrified!) But yeah, I'm not one for mush. He knows how I feel about him. I couldn't be without him, even if he is really annoying. He is a pretty awesome human and the best Daddy to our boys I could ask for. He is also a complete buffoon who won't take nice pictures with me!

3. My friends. I am so lucky to have some of the bestest friends ever. I have some lovely close friends who I see when I can but with kids and life we don't see each other as much as I'd like, but we chat on Facebook a lot. I've known one lady in particular for years and after my last miscarriage she was there straight away taking me to Costa for a sugar fix.  She's awesome.
 I also have a group of three really close friends. We used to work together, and have remained friends for years. They are my boys Godmums. We talk via messenger every day and I know they are always always there for me.They are the kind of friends you can be completely yourself with without thinking. We are all very different but these guys are priceless,  and I don't think they really know how much I love them all!

4. Music - I can literally loose hours, headphones in world out. I think a good chunk of my brain is filled up with song lyrics! If I had to name my top five favourite bands/artists to listen to they would have to be Maroon 5, Paulo Nutini, Emeli Sande, Snow Patrol and Ed Sheeran...ahh and Coldplay, Stereophonics...right I'll stop there or I never will ha!
 I used to play the piano when I was younger , I was fairly good. I remember playing Memory from the musical cats in front of the whole of my middle school once. One day maybe I'll pick it up again. I'd love my boys to learn to play an instrument. Maybe they will start up a band together....I would be at every single one of their gigs (how embarressing!)  .... On second thoughts.... they are seriously gorgeous boys already so that along with being in a band I would have an awful lot of young girls showing up at my front door looking for my boys (yak!) ! Danny would make a good lead singer, Connor a drummer... Yes, definitely a drummer!

5.Trees!  As daft as that sounds!  The noise they make when they sway in the wind, the smell after the rain. We have a really bizarre tree in our garden. It has these weird bobbly pod things on and most of the time it's really quite bare. Now the leaves are dropping and they are really beautiful colours. Me and the boys will probably collect some and make a picture with them this weekend :). I love nothing more than being outside wondering around the woods with my boys collecting leaves and interesting sticks and rocks. Mud on our shoes, cheeks red and rosy.  Lovely.

6. Anything warm! I'm one of those eternally cold people. My feet are always cold. Craig always moans about my 'dead feet' touching him in bed! He will let me warm them up on him though ( see said he was lovely!) My nose always gets cold too, and I try to cover it with my lips (I don't realise I do this) again Craig thinks I'm rather ridiculous! Nothing better than getting in a steamy hot bath or shower!  So warm fluffy Jumpers, socks, slippers, blankets are a winner for me! Hot drinks (I'm a bit of a mug and weird drink hoarder!) and also because holding a mug warms my icicle fingers!!
And Coffee!!! Ahh coffee. I never used to drink it before I had the kids....who were monsters for sleeping (Connor is still a bit of a buggar and ends up in our bed most...okay every night in the early hours... But he's so scrummy and snuggly I don't really mind!)
 I especially like weird flavour hot drinks ...the pumpkin spiced latte at star bucks is lovely!! I have a whole mouth of sweet teeth...seriously buy me a coffee and cake and I'll love you forever! Oh and rum, can't forget rum. What!? It warms you up doesn't it!? Ha!

 Spiced chai latte, salted caramel green tea, caramel coffee, Lemon and ginger tea... Just a few I have out of the cupboard at the mo! 

7.Jewelry. Now I'm not talking expensive posh jewelry. I mean costume jewellery, that makes me jingle wherever I go, really loud weird stuff. I get most of my stuff via eBay auctions from China, so it's ultra cheap too. 1.70 with postage for this!?  Yes!!

My pashmina too, bootsale 1.50 it's beautiful and I love it! Reversible too!! Eeek!

8. Animals. I have always grown up with pets and wanted the same for the boys. I feel a pet can teach you so much. We have a huge great slob of a dog called Alfie. He is a boxer x lab x God knows what! He is a huge gentle giant with a few anxiety issues! He was a rescue dog. We originally agreed to a puppy or a dog no bigger than a spaniel....but saw his big brown eyes and when we were told no one else had even looked at him we knew he was meant for us. Our stinky old floppy chops!
We have two budgies too, woody and buzzy peep (buzz died :()  Woody is a grumpy little snot who loves nothing more than dive bombing me and biting me. Even so,  I do love the little git, occasionally he let's me rub his head. Buzzy peep is pretty sweet, and has now learnt how to fly properly so I don't have to keep rescuing him from behind the sofa! We have a big tropical fish tank too, Craigs thing..he's always kept fish and a little goldfish tank in the kitchen. Oh and we have a little Robin we have name Robby (original)  we go and feed in the garden  ha!
 

9. Anything crafty. Drawing, painting and making things. This is something I really need to pick back up. I really have to be in the right mood though...I really want to make my own dream catcher one day, and I'd love to learn to sew. I've recently drawn a few little bits after years of not doing anything and was pleasantly surprised with the outcomes. Perhaps a trip to hobbycfaft is in order for a bit of inspiration, especially with Christmas round the corner! (Argggh!)

 

 10. Would have to be home bits. Accessories. Trinkets. Aka Grace if we have no more room stop buying them! I especially love yankee candles and willow Tree figures. So I'm pretty easy for Craig to  buy for. Oh and Buddhas....okay I admit it I'm a teeny weeny little bit obsessed! I love things to look a bit higgly piggly and crowded, much to Craig's dislike aka Mr everything must match and be straight... It's an interesting mix in our house!

Anyhoo that's my top ten!  From the tree hugging, coffee addicted, jewelry and candle hoarding fluffy sock wearer!!

And one final note.....

This made me laugh way too much this morning, it's definitely something I would say ha!

Hope your day was brighter than the weather!! Xxx