It's been a while since I wrote anything down, and with the upcoming arrival of little miss England, I dare say it will be a while till I write anything down again!
This pregnancy has felt like the longest time ever, and also it's flashed by so quickly. It almost felt like a shock when it occurred to me I'm in my last few days of pregnancy ever! I'm 100% sure I'm finished once she arrives, I have always always wanted two boys and a girl, and as my best friend says, I'm a jammy cow and got exactly what I wanted. Although it took a lot of time and heart ache to get to this point! I feel I'm full of contradictions, I absolutely adore the feeling of her squirming about in there, her feet in my ribs, her hiccups. At the same time I'm so ready for it to be over, to close the chapter of pregnancy and birth and start a whole new one with my two awesome little boys and my DAUGHTER!
My due date is arriving in two days. I had been getting very stressed and wound up about the idea of going overdue. It almost felt like going overdue was a failure of some sort. That my body should have birthed my baby by that point. She's my third why isn't it happening yet!? But, actually, I've realised that's all shit and I was being really hard on myself over nothing! I have had a fair few false starts, a few runs of Braxton hicks then nothing, which is rather frustrating! If it's a small glimpse into her future personality, I'm in trouble!
I've just been keeping myself busy, filling our weekends with parties and trips to the park, woods, cinema as soon these things are going to be made so much harder to organise! Plus now every cupboard, drawer and wardrobe in the house has been sorted and I finally feel like the house is ready for little miss. The nesting instinct has hit me hard this time. I found myself hoovering the garden the other day, after cutting the grass and weeding front and back. It's almost like a compulsion, I can't relax until it's done!
Recently both boys have started back at nursery and Danny has started reception. I'm so proud of the both of them. They absolutely love it and they are gaining in confidence and knowledge amazingly quick. It's hard letting my little dudes go, but they are growing into brilliant little men and I couldn't be prouder of them. (ahh, getting all teary now!)
## WARNING, MUSHY CONTENT ##
Connor has always been a bit of a git for sleeping through the night. He's the best he's ever been now. He still wakes but only for a drink or a wee and does go straight back, unless he sneaks into mine! The other night I went upstairs and found him snuggled right in the corner of my bed. Usually I scoop him up and tuck him back up in his own bed. But I just needed to cuddle him. It hit me he's going to be a big brother soon, and not the baby anymore. That these moments are going to become rarer and rarer and eventually he won't be sneaking into my bed, or holding onto my hair or bra strap to fall asleep. I didn't realise when Danny stopped until he had, and now my little bumble monster was going the same way. I snuck in next to him and held him, ran my fingers through his hair and drank in his sweaty little head.
I also told Danny to come in with us when he woke up too early. I held him close and wondered when the hell he got so big. That little 8lbs bundle with a shock of black hair was now laying next to me his head nestled in my neck, his toes tucked under my knees.
There's no words to describe it all really. I seriously can not wait for Evelyn to arrive, to hold her to see her face, to see who she looks like. How big she will be. If she has blue eyes like her Daddy and biggest brother or brown like Mummy and Connor (one of the boys is going to be miffed as she's the tie breaker for the "blue and brown eyed teams" ha!) For her to grow and discover her likes and dislikes, to learn all about barbies and Disney Princess', to find out who she is. To just complete our beautiful little family.
But for now, until she's here we are just taking time to enjoy and appreciate everything we have already. To enjoy uninterrupted baths and Netflix binges after the boys are asleep, not having to feel like a pack donkey everytime we leave the house, sleepless nights, becoming a dairy cow again, being constantly covered in bodily fluids. Poo explosions, the list goes one!
So I shall carry on bouncing on my bloody ball, drinking raspberry tea, eating pineapple and curry, walking blah blah all the old wives tales that don't work! Living in limbo land, hoping every little twinge is the beginning of something amazing, waking up every day wondering if today is the day, whilst rubbing my aching ribs and back...Feeling in a constant state of being a little bit terrified, and hideously excited!
It won't be long before she comes and rocks the boat, and blows it straight out of the water into a whole new lake, one with mermaids!
Thanks for visiting! XxxX
